To all of the Mike Eppses of the world….

Stop it. 

Just stop. 

And just in case you live under a rock, and are still using a carrier pigeon, in conjunction with a stone tablet and chisel to write down/transmit information instead of a cell phone like the rest of us, here’s a little context.

Recently Actor/Comedian Mike Epps was caught up in a bit of a twitter scandal involving an attempt at infidelity (http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/comedian-mike-epps-caught-flirting-twitter-wife-article-1.2329286). The TLDR is basically the story of a man with a wife, and a family, lurking on twitter trying to involve himself in some “relations” with a potential suitor.

But this story is nothing new. Countless other celebrities, men, and women alike have been caught using social media to cheat, be it emotionally or physically, in one way or another.

The real tragedy here is the trend that has emerged in recent years of social media being a vehicle of encouraging unfaithfulness in relationships, and providing an outlet for the individuals’ exploration to do so once they’ve gotten that thought in their minds.

Before the internet, and the age we now live in of constant connection and digital presence that almost all of us fall victim to on a daily basis, things were a bit more simple in regards to relationships. When you and your significant other had a disagreement, or weren’t seeing eye to eye, you didn’t really have that many options. If you felt like getting something off of your chest, you had to physically go find someone to vent to, or to spend time with while things cooled down. Or you just went in your separate places in the house, or went back to your respective living spaces and took some time to cool off. Without technology, you were probably forced to reflect on your own thoughts and the situations more, and could work out what was really wrong in your mind.

Or if everything happened to be fine in your relationship, there was significantly less temptation, because in order to find someone to even begin to cheat with, you had to go out into a social setting, and organically create a brand new relationship with a stranger and convince them to engage in that behavior with you. Basically, there was a lot less access to those kinds of things and situations. So that acted as sort of a barrier of protection in the relationship.

But now, social media has provided a way to bypass all of that effort. We live in a time where people are constantly posting provocative selfies, anonymously chatting, and people have more “friends” than their college SAT scores. It’s one big equation for huge lack of accountability.

For example, let’s say a couple gets in a fight.  The girl is feeling particularly disrespected and upset, so she logs onto Instagram or Facebook, takes a picture of herself in her underwear, posts it, and before she knows it, she’ll have 1-200 people that “like” her picture. What that’s going to do is give her a very instant (albeit shallow) sense of worth and satisfaction. She might even begin a chat with one of the gentlemen that commented on the picture. He of course is going to tell her how beautiful and incredible she is, and generally everything he can to make her feel good.

And it’s going to work.

This guy is giving her the attention that her significant other has been depriving her of because of their fight they just had. And making her forget all about any negative aspects of her life for the time being. I think you can see where this is going….

The anonymity and quickness of the whole process is what makes it so easy to let happen. Unless you have a very strong personal resolve, and solid relationship foundation, then most people are going to be susceptible to this sort of thing in this day in age at some point in moments of emotional distress. It’s most people’s best way to comfort themselves in light of what’s going on.

But it’s incredibly toxic. And these public incidents on Facebook, twitter, and other forms of social media, are just prime examples of people getting exposed doing things that otherwise would have been negative thoughts or doubts that had to be dealt with mentally.

Social media, you’re an enabler. Of S****y relationship behavior. Stop it.

And people of the internet, if you’re having an issue with your husband, wife, boyfriend, pet, or whatever else, just deal with it. Either in your own mind, with the help of a loved one, or even better, with that person. It won’t be fun, or make you feel good. But it will make the relationship, and yourself, a stronger person.

#EndRant.

Overloadin’

This song has been my go to lately. It’s titled “Overload” by Life of Dillon.

Take a listen before you read this, then everything will make a lot more sense.

Two of the lyrics that I love the most are when he says “I can’t stop it. No I can’t control it. Can you feel it overloading?” and “I can’t stop this feeling, oh no. It’s taking over me!”.

That is so perfect to me. All too often I think we all get caught up in making the “right” decisions and being “practical” in life. Always worrying about having every little detail planned out and predicted to the point that any sense of excitement or sensation can be swept away. When in reality, we weren’t designed to be or think that way.

Feeling things, as in really just letting go and getting taken away by what emotional state you’re in can be such a beautiful thing. When we throw caution to the wind, forget about how we may be perceived or judged, and experience our feelings for what they have to offer, it can be downright euphoric.

That’s what this song says to me. Just take a second to feel. To love. To be joyful. To care. And pretending like what you’re feeling isn’t legitimate, or trying to stop it from happening, is just pointless. Everyone in the song and the video is just taking in their surroundings. Enjoying themselves, everyone around them, and everything going on around them. They are just giving in, and surrendering to all of the positivity and pleasant emotional states of those nearby.

Right now, I’m overloading. And it’s wonderful.

Every now and then we should  all allow ourselves to just be human and  fill up until we overload. It’s quite the awesome experience.

 

I am, I can, I will.

I am. I can. I will. 

It’s funny how few and far between each of those is spoken in my day to day life.

But their opposites are something I know far too well.

“You are not a real entrepreneur.”

“You can’t start your own company this young.”

“You will never be as successful as…..”

Whether it is my own self, or the self of another reminding me, I know them far too well.

I also know that those words are dangerous. They reach down into every fiber of our being and mold our psyche. Leaving behind nothing but waves of self doubt and pessimism. Two more debilitating mindsets would be hard-pressed to find. Yet that is what we deal with, regularly.

But there is a solution. A simple, but insanely powerful fix for allowing yourself to reach your full potential and prosper abundantly.

It’s those three phrases.

I am. I can. I will.

The first person pronouns are there because your own mentality and life situations should be shaped mainly by yourself. If other’s are not contributing to them in a positive way then they shouldn’t be considered. Build good foundations by practicing positive self talk and affirmation.

Also, you are a writer. You are a good mother. And you are valuable.  Why? Because you write, you love unconditionally, and you have talents and dreams that are unique to only you. There is a passion within you that is unlike any other’s before or that will come after. You can be anything, just as long as you’ve set your mind to it.

You can finish that novel you’ve been struggling over for the last few months. You can lose those few pounds that have been burdening you. You can get into that school even though the other applicants might seem more prepared than you. Belief is a powerful force that is capable of shaping many different landscapes within your life. And belief in oneself is key.

Lastly let’s not forget that you will. You will get through that depression you’ve been battling with. You will land the job of your dreams at the company that you want to work for. You will, especially if you say it enough.

Everyone should take a moment to erase the words aren’t, can’t, and won’t out of their daily vocabulary. They do far more harm than good.